


Twilights guide to becoming your own parent

by Lefryingpanofdoom



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, when did i start writing crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28902327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lefryingpanofdoom/pseuds/Lefryingpanofdoom
Summary: In a moment of panic twilight accidentally tells someone he's pregnant to avoid drinking, the situation quickly devolves from there.inspired by a wild night on the LU discord, somehow this has turned into a multi-chapter event and I don't know how that happened. Anyways please enjoy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	Twilights guide to becoming your own parent

Link had been on his way towards Hyrule castle when he stumbled on the little village deep in the woods. Midna kept herself tucked away in his shadow as he walked through the dusty village. Several of the buildings appeared abandoned and a few graves could be seen tucked away under trees and behind houses. It didn’t take a genius to notice that something was wrong. The lingering stares of the jaded villagers all but pierced through Link's armor and a mother quickly urged a handful of children inside. Like many villages all around Hyrule, the twilight invasion had left the people vulnerable and suffering.

Link was in a hurry but, to leave without helping would be far too cruel. After a short chat with a disgruntled shop owner, the problem becomes abundantly clear. For the past several months a small horde of bulbins had been camping nearby terrorizing the roads and paths leading into town.

No travelers could make it in and no one in town could hope to leave. The small but brutal barricade slowly but surely choking the town to death. It had been weeks since the village’s meager supply of food stores ran dry, it was only a matter of time before the village started starving.

It wouldn’t be far out of the way to take out a small camp of bulbins on the way to the castle. Ignoring the grumbles and complaints emanating from his now occupied shadow, Link set off to clear the roads. It’s the least he could do for the people he was supposed to protect.

* * *

It didn’t take long to find the bulbin camp, it seemed a small horde had set up camp right on the main road effectively blocking the isolated village from the rest of Hyrule unless you were able to trek through the dense forest surrounding them. Link pulled out his bow and began taking out the guards, this was going to be all too easy.

Soon the camp was cleared out so after wiping the blood from his blade Link took a moment to search the camp for any rupees or gear left behind. He found a small bundle probably stolen of an unfortunate traveler and a few rupees hidden in pots but in the last corner of the camp, he found something odd. An older man in clothing similar to other villagers, was hogtied and left abandoned in the camp. He was squirming and trying to get Links’ attention.

He ran over quickly freeing the man from his bonds and helping him to his feet.

“Thank you so much,” The man seemed to be holding back tears,

“I was sure they were gonna kill me until you came along!”

There was a pause and this probably was when a normal person would reply but thankfully the man barely took a breath before continuing to thank the hero for saving him. Apparently, he had been trying to get the next village over to buy supplies and had been ambushed like every other traveler on the road.

Link let the man ramble on as he continued to search through the pots and bags strewn across the camp. It wasn’t till the man stopped talking that Link realized he had been ignoring him in favor of scrounging for gear. Uli would have his head for being so rude.

“I’m sorry could you repeat that?” The man still seemed a bit shell shocked and took no notice of Links potential rudeness.

“I run the bar in the village just up the road, let me offer you some sort of reward for thanks! Really it's the least I could do after saving my hide!”

Before Link could politely decline the barkeep began walking up the road urging Link to follow him back to the village, as they passed by the village center curious faces peeked out from behind closed windows gasping at the sight of the somewhat disheveled barkeep. The man waved off a few concerned villagers before all but pushing Link into the previously abandoned bar and inn.

The man called Link over towards a now dusty bar, oh god had he been speaking this whole time! What’s his name? Surely he said it at some point, damn this is what he got for letting Midna take lead in social situations. Uli really would have his head; she taught him better than this! Link took a fortifying breath before shuffling over towards the seat the barkeep had gestured to.

“I can’t thank you enough for saving me back there, I though I was monster food for sure!”

Link could only grin sheepishly, “Oh it’s no problem, really least I could do sir.”

He let the sentence trail off as he rubbed the back of his neck, the barkeep seemed slightly affronted by this. He muttered more to himself than to Link

“Of course he’s humble!”

He turned to Link “You saved my life! Hell, You saved this whole town, name what you want and I’ll repay you.”

Link pulled back from the bar waving his hand frantically,

“Oh no no no, really that’s not necessary. I was just doing what’s right.”

The barkeep smiled softly at the lad but didn’t push it any further.

“You are far too kind young man,” he turned, pulling a glass and a bottle of his best liquor from under the bar.

“At the very least let me offer you a drink,” He grinned “On the house!”

Did he really look old enough for that? Midna had been telling him that the eye bags from days of travel and fighting left him looking like ‘a decrepit gibdo just asking to be set on fire’ but surely that was an exaggeration. There’s no way he looked old enough to drink and really Link just wanted to head on his way with as little fanfare as possible.

He just watched mutely as the old man began pouring a drink. Was it rude to say no? Oh goddess what would he think about some random teen saving him. It was hard enough to get the people of Castletown to listen to him, he really couldn’t afford to offend this man- _By the goddess what was his name_?!?

The barkeep slid the glass toward Link and link quickly gestured for him to keep it,

“I please I can’t-” “Oh don’t be silly it’s no trouble, just a drink!” Link shook his head emphatically,

“I can’t drink.”

The man looked at him curiously. Oh no, he needed an explanation to end this horribly awkward interaction! Who doesn’t drink, aside from kids? An allergy maybe? But it’s vague, everyone at Ordon seemed to indulge in a spot of drinking the only time anyone had declined was when Uli… yeah that would do.

“I can’t drink,” he clarified “I’m pregnant.”

The smile slid from the old man’s face for a moment before he pulled himself together “Pregnant? I could have sworn…..” he seemed to shake himself back into his more personable demeanor “Right, of course, I’m sorry lass.” Oh no, this was getting worse fast Link had to get out of here. The barkeep hummed looking over Links midsection

“Must be pretty early on my dear, especially to fight as you did, aren’t you worried about the babe?” He seemed to be trying to keep a light atmosphere but was struggling and Link’s silence wasn’t helping.

“Ah, I suppose it isn’t my business miss hero.” He paused

“Any news on the gender yet, though perhaps a touch too early to tell?”

If Link had any sense, which Midna insisted he didn’t, he would have taken the out carefully provided by the kind man but curse his stupid brain. Link panicked and blurted out,

“It’s a wolf,”

The Old man didn’t even try to keep a neutral face at that. So Link plowed on

“Yep, wolf pup probably.”

A heavy silence settled in the empty bar and this time the old man made no effort to dispel it. Link rocked anxiously itching to just get out before he could make this any worse. Finally, the old man gestured towards the door Link was leaning towards rather heavily,

“I suppose I shouldn’t keep you much longer miss hero” He held a hand against Link’s back as he walked him to the door,

“too nosey for my own good but when you come round again," He gestured to links midsection again,

“assuming you aren’t still busy, I’ll get you that drink.”

Link muttered out some kind of garbled thanks before all but launching himself through the door. Without wasting a moment more he ran from town back on the road the ridiculous ordeal behind him. He tried to ignore Midna’s taunting laughter teasing him all the way to castle town about his future litter, but no harm is done really. It’s not like this could come back to hurt him really.

**Author's Note:**

> Nope no possible consequences >: )
> 
> Feel free to leave some comments, the feed my soul


End file.
